Abort all memes, delete all search history

What’s your secret that could literally ruin your life if it came out?

I’m a Senior Software Engineer working for groundbreaking new super secretive projects for one of the companies in the top 10 of the Fortune 500. And I actually don’t have the faintest clue what I’m doing. 1

Google almost everything and string things together in a sorta sensible way, and people are happy as can be for some reason. By now I’m pretty sure I’m in a social experiment, or maybe I’m the village idiot they have to entertain so that I don’t go outside and break things that matter.

They call it “imposter syndrome” but like, really, guys. I really don’t know what the hell I’m doing. It’s just Google answering my endless stream of questions. I only successfully passed the job interview because they gave me plenty of time (without me doing it live) to work on their job-interview-assignment.

My six-figure salary feels so unjust. I often see people working at a fast food joint who seem smarter than I am.

And I could set fire to a kettle boiling water; they’re at least flipping burgers, which I can’t do without causing gender-reveal-esque disasters.